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18 Aug 2017 03:57 PM EST

-by Laura Tucker, Staff Writer; Image: Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson (Image Source: Screenshot)

Now that Bachelor in Paradise has gotten past the scandal and has started airing, we saw bits of the trouble between Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson, and now he is admitting to being suicidal during the scandal.

At the outset, the show is designed to marry off its contestants, but many times it just leads to flirting, sex romps, and dating, sometimes all three. But something went horribly wrong this time around, and an investigation was launched to find out what happened.

Corinne and DeMario were seen being very comfortable with each other from the early moments of the first day in the season premiere, and she was seen getting drunk within that time as well. Eventually, we were shown the two of them splashing around in the pool together.

When it came to the elimination, the two of them were pulled out, and production shut down. The show was stopped and picked up the next month with cast and crew returning to the beach to discuss what happened. Corinne and DeMario were not there.

What hit the news immediately after production was halted was that the two had sexual relations with each other, and she was too drunk to give consent. She was not accusing him of wrongdoing but was accusing the show for allowing her to be in that position. He kept saying everything was consensual and that she was able to give consent. It was not her that called him out initially, though; it was someone on the production crew.

After an investigation by ABC as well as Corinne's legal team, it was decided no one did anything wrong, and the show picked up again.

DeMario is now saying in that time after production was ceased, he "felt suicidal but not like the suicidal that you might think."

"I never thought, 'Oh, I'm gonna kill myself,' but it crossed my mind," he added.

He sought counseling and ended up losing 25 pounds from the stress of the whole thing.

"I remember just talking to my mom, like, 'My life's over. Like, I don't even want to live anymore.' And she, like, lost it," he admitted.

Regarding what was shown in the premiere, DeMario said, "I feel like they rolled enough of the tape. You can't show too much because that's gonna disrespect Corinne and I, and I just feel like it wouldn't be the best or the classiest thing to do. But, they showed enough."

Additionally, he feels like the footage that was aired helps to show that he was not a "horrible villain" on the show.

"The public, they need to see something. I think they just needed to see [that] she's lucid. I'm lucid. We're swimming around. We're having fun. We're friends," he said. "It wasn't like I'm some predator who was at the bar waiting for the girl to get extremely drunk, then I'm like, 'Oops! Let me pound on her.' No, it was very mutual and, in fact, she was a little bit of the aggressor in it, and I love how they painted the picture and the story of us actually talking, mingling, getting to know each other."

DeMario did feel it was unfair that he was not allowed to stay.

"We're supposed to be on Paradise to mate, relate, have fun, to look for, you know, your future girlfriend, wife, or whatever," he explained. "And for me to get kicked off based off of hooking up, like we're supposed to do? That's like me playing for the Lakers, and I get suspended for dunking a basketball. Like, that's my job."

Who he feels really bad for, however, is his family.

"I signed up for this reality. I feel guilty because my mom didn't sing up for this, and she's been getting harassed, people tweeting at her, on her Instagram saying, 'You son's a rapist,'" he said through tears.  "That was the part I was most sad about. I feel like I created this for my family, in a sense, by being a little reckless. And I just want to say I'm sorry to them."

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